。愛。

8 月 30，2016

聽著「愛」還是想起了你

這並不代表我還是愛著你，只是過了8 年，
心里的某個角落還是有你的回憶，偶爾還是會想起了你

曾經愛過、曾經錯過、相逢、 離別
到我們再也不見

你·結婚了

3 月 27， 2014 · 你曾經問過我
「Hey Jenine, you think you'll be free between 10-16 to do a trip with me to Sydney or Alicespring to see Uluru?」
那是我們沒見面最少5 年後吧..
我·拒絕了你

2 個月後，你告訴我 你有了女朋友
一年後，你告訴我 你求婚了
兩年後，你結婚了

其實也不算還愛你吧
只是 曾經的回憶
太美好

回憶， 究竟是回憶

假如我不曾愛你，
我不會失去自己
想念的刺釘住我的位置
因為你總會提醒
經管我得到世界
有些幸福不是我的

How are you? How have you been? 

Did anything in your life even once reminded you of me? I wonder.. 

Friend, its been years since we really talked.. I dreamt of you last night.. 

And tonight, a lot of memories came back to me.. Bitter sweet it tastes.. 

We met on a cold winter night

And our memories through out the spring

We never started

we were always just friends

Once, twice, thrice, again and again

Being accused of what I am not

Once, twice, thrice, again and again

Taking the blame of what I am not

Once, twice, thrice, again and again

like a sharp blade that sliced through

I'm not who You think I am

Please don't think You know me well

You Don't

What hurt most is not being accused

What hurt most is being accused by the person

that You think the person would know You well

Once, twice, thrice, again and again

You made me gave up explaining

You once said

Don't keep everything to yourself

Does that still matters, now?

The day you said I humiliated you

Accusation, who went through it more?

Humiliation, who went through it more?

Misunderstood, who went through it more?

You or Me?

I kept silence does not mean what you said is right

I kept silence does not mean what you said does not hurt

I kept silence does not mean I agree with you

It somehow just shows

Deep inside how much I treasure this

so-called Friendship

(that you might not put it in your eye)

That could make me tolerate for so long

That could make me forgive you for so many times

That could make me laugh and smile even it hurts inside

That could make me joke at what I'm not

That could make me allow you to accuse me

That could make me allow you to humiliate me

I could tolerate all these

because I understand

I understand that this Friendship

is not only between you and me

Love life. Love myself.

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, 

those who keep silence hurt more.”
― C.S. Lewis

Every word you said seems to be like a knife

that would stab through the heart

There's times you raise me up,

higher than a mountain

There's times you pushed me down,

deep down into a well with no way out

11/09/2012

Now, as I walk down the road.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I pretend I don't see it.

 I can't believe I am in this same place.

 But it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson

I :
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.


II :
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in this same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.


III :
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I fall in...it's a habit...but my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.


IV :
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

V :
I walk down a different street.

The 1 hour of silence

Speaks the truth

I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far

The picture is clear

I don't know since when I started to care

Acting like I dont care I didnt see I dont feel anything

but deep inside

it hurts

有些事 错过了就不可从来